What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
