Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
