i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I cut my penus on the lid.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
