You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
