if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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