i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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