Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
