I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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