they need to just BURY HIM!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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