I want to have your abortion
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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