worst night to have a conscience
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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