respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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