xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
