This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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