i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
