I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We got so high we made milksteak
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
