In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
