I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize