I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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