woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
