you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
