haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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