just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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