There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
