Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
