After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
