how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
