shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
