ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I party with great urgency now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
