What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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