Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
