He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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