I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
