My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
