I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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