people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
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I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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