i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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