Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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