how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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