and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i think i just lost a toe
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
