Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
