I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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