I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
