Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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