these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
