U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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