If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
