I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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