I can tuck mytits in my pants
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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