there was a trapeze. enough said
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
