the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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