my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
