i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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