whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just invented taco cereal.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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