Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
