I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
