this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
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you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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