I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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