Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
home. puking in laundry basket.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
