I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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