Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
