did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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