nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
