Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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