Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
