You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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