well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
