Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
