she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
