ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
