Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
