so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
