I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
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The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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