Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
