i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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