it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
