whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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