If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
