I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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