i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
