My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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