Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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