I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
