Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
