hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
