MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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