No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.