i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?