Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions