Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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