He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.