last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.