Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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