Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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