Where are you?
In a non slutty way
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
