Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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