Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
