I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
