i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
