We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
