Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
